Welcome!

[heather]

Really Candice? Blindsided by me being pissed at you? You truly are the lack-of-self-awareness queen.

Where do I even begin. I hate everything about how you played this game. Week One you came into this house and decided that you didn't want to be the fourth wheel in a four person alliance that never actually existed... and out of 27 person cast no less!!!

In the process of deciding that you didn't want to be in this apparent alliance (that I was frequently cited as being a part of but which I knew nothing about) you made a decision to play a certain way and you never looked back. Nothing about what you did that week benefitted your game; you sold out three people who had no problem with you, who you claimed were your good friends, and then you acted like some confused victim when you were exposed.

When I came to you about the things that you were saying, with information that I'd gotten from Nick and Zach, instead of just trying to bury the hatchet and apologize, you proceeded to cry your crocodile tears to me, (literally on a Skype call you cried to me about how hard the game was,) and you just kept on lying. I had all the information and I knew that you were lying. Do you know how infuriating that is Candice? If I were a less intuitive player I would have been dead in the water after that whole fiasco of a round.

Luckily I'm a little bit scrappier than that. I knew that Nick and Zach were going to be a 'Renegades' style duo from the beginning, and since everyone was sitting around sucking their dicks, I decided that if I couldn't beat the boys, I might as well join 'em. It wasn't that hard since they already liked Memphis and me and they enjoyed strategizing with us and just having fun hanging out... so I became the 'Keesha' to their 'Renegades,' fully knowing at some point I'd need to have a backup plan or I would be the fourth. You see how that works Candice? When you're apparently the fourth person? Just checking.

I earned the guys' trust and their loyalty, (especially after Shilpa left,) and I watched first hand while Nick burned you time and time again at Zach and I's behest... and you know Candice, part of me was embarrassed for you, but another part of me honestly didn't give a flying fuck because nothing you did in this game prior to that (or after) would have given me any reason to believe that you had my back. Why was it so hard for you to catch on that Nick was always gonna just tell you what you wanted to hear? I mean I think that we were all well aware of Nick's capacity to lie, and to lie well, but at least on my end, he was constantly following through for me and was doing what he said that he would do for Memphis, Zach and me... but with you Candice, I just don't understand why you would actually continue to trust him after everything he did in the game should have spelled out the contrary.

I mean there's the round that Hayley and Rachelle left, the round that Mike left, the round that Boog was the backup target... I mean how many times did he have to do shit like that Candice to make you realize that he didn't ever have your back in this game?

Fast forward to the round I left. You told me in very plain English that you were fed up. You'd given Nick a million chances and then he'd screw you but then he'd always say the exact right thing to win you over again, but no more! You were evicting Nick and that was that. The next day though you completely brushed me off. I'm not a fool Candice. I knew that things had changed. I'm not sure why you fell for whatever it was that Nick and Zach pulled, but whatever they said was completely bullshit, to save their bromance, and you and Brian and Matt fell for it hook line and sinker. You didn't come to me to clarify or anything, whatever it was, you took them at their word (LOL) and left me (once again) high-and-dry with no way to defend myself.

So it was painfully obvious to me at that point that you were evicting me right? I knew that I was going home and yet you actually had the audacity to try and make me feel bad about questioning your vote in my dying hours. You said annoyedly:

"Are you really that concerned that I won't evict Nick?"

It's kind of ironic isn't it?  That you told Nick to go fuck himself on your way out... for not 'just being honest with you.' You did the exact same thing, to me and to others, so take a good long look in the mirror my friend.

Why you would be surprised that he evicted you in the first place is beyond insane to me but I think that we've established that. You said yourself that he kept doing this to you and it's only fitting that him doing it again would be the final nail in your coffin after you kept him. I find it a little bit poetic.

Oh, and that goodbye message that you left me... don't even get me started on that goodbye message LMAO.  It made me want to puke.  You were not some mastermind making some epic game move taking me out Candice.  You were a pawn for Nick (and Zach by proxy) just like you chose to be their easily moveable pawn all season long.

Hope that clears things up.  I'm sorry if I was harsh but that's two months of pent up frustration that I needed to get off my chest and I'm glad that I did.

Outside of this game I think that you're a good person and I wish you the best Candice I truly do, but I'm mad. I will get over it I'm sure but right now I'm mad. It's not even being out either that upsets me. I'm actually thankful, that was a gift that you and everyone else who evicted me gave me; it was the perfect time for me to go. It's everything that came before my eviction that I can't let go of yet.

[pyramidhead]

Can we get a tl;dr version because Im not reading that...

[candice]

let's go through this point by point because hey guess what i agree that i played a pretty terrible game.

shilpa told me that she wanted something along the lines of her/you/me/casey right before the game started. during the first round, shilpa and casey didn't really seem invested in talking to me so i was frustrated. i fucked up and, after starting to build trust with zach, confused myself into acting as though it were some well-defined group i'd been invited into. i shouldn't have evicted casey and i still feel very guilty over the entire scenario.

i should have apologized and properly explained myself when we talked on skype but instead i freaked out. the tears were real, i worked myself into a minor panic attack. i had no idea what i was doing or saying, i just wanted to get myself out of that situation so that i could calm down.

i didn't trust nick! i wasn't just sitting here gleefully accepting whatever lies he fed me. my back was against the wall because i firmly spell it outed it there with my own shitty gameplay and when it came down to it, at least nick was making some attempt to tell me he'd be on my side. being optimistic that maybe he'd work with me was a hell of a lot better than sitting around whining about how i had alienated everyone i could potentially work with. it was a lot easier and less stressful to hope that maybe i could trust nick this time. believe me, there were multiple times sitting on call with boog where she'd tell me how stupid it is to trust him again and i'd tell her, i know, but what else can we really do besides hope that this time we can?

my vote changed for multiple reasons. i didn't believe there was a chance in hell you'd target the trio because when i was practically asking you to tell me that you would, you defended them to me, and that made me feel like you'd just keep on targeting me and mine. after that, boog told me you were consistently questioning whether or not i would really save you, and the fact that you didn't trust me on that meant you probably would continue to not trust me. so when zach came to me, and then nick got me on call, i was already looking for a good reason to change my vote. i figured it was smarter for me to go with people who were going to target my targets than someone who defended them. i stand by my vote and the reasons i made it. i didn't fuck up that time.

i'm not surprised that nick evicted me. when i saw matt was the replacement, i knew i was probably leaving. i spent all of today campaigning for nick's vote. i was upset because he straight did not respond to me. i would have respected it if he told me he was evicting me when i was trying to get a hold of him so i could have been at peace with it.

tl;dr yes i played a shitty game and yes you have good reason to be mad at me but i wasn't as wildly delusional as you think i am (just kinda delusional lol) and what blindsided me was how viciously angry you seemed to be when i hadn't caught any hint of how mad you were at me during the actual game

[candice]

[heather]

You just missed the entire point regarding Nick. Nick was telling you what you wanted to hear. He didn't want certain members of the 'Trio' out any more than I did. He did however know that you wanted them out... so, shocker, he and Zach used that to manipulate you... for like the twentieth time. We were in similar positions, Nick and I; the only difference is that I was at least making an effort not to lie to you.

Nick didn't care how much he had to lie to you to stay. I commend Nick for being able to do what he did so well but shame on you for not learning your lesson. Ever. Did you ever stop to think that if I vocalized a desire to target the 'Trio' that Nick and Zach would have used that against me that round instead, to secure those three votes? I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. I had to rely on you and Neda to not be morons, all while running at half speed on vacation, against a tag team duo of two excellent players. What kind of player with any grasp of what was going on would feel at all confident about your vote that week? You did exactly what you said you kept doing which was fall for Nick's mist.

You said yourself that he kept saying the perfect thing to woo you every time that his back was against a wall and he needed you. After getting what he wanted he'd blow you off again the next time you needed him. What was I supposed to think? That you'd suddenly grow a sound strategic mind and not be vulnerable to his suggestion ever again? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result Candice.

[candice]

zach and nick literally targeted the trio the very next round

[candice]

i didn't miss any point you made. from my perspective, even based solely on what you had told me, you did not want to target the trio and all three were voting to keep you. nick and zach said they would. so! a potential maybe > an evident no. you never had to tell them you'd target the trio, you had to tell me you would, but when i was telling you about how badly i wanted them gone and why, you replied with how you didn't want them gone.

[heather]

Nope you def aren't getting it but that's okay. Zach targeted Sofia for a backdoor possibility the next round, that's it. He hardly targeted the 'Trio.' He was aligned with Heaven and Ryan, as was Nick. The fact that they were the same person is moot since three different games were being played, just like in Shadow Allstars III. That's why neither of those two ever got backdoored during any of our HOH weeks. I would have done the same noms that Zach did by the way with the same target, Sofia. When I extended an olive branch to you and Boog that round I was being legit. Of course people would want you to think I'd target you and Boog together though, they wanted me out and Nick in.

[heather]

And you sold me out to Nick and Zach all game, why would I think this would be any different if I said I'd target the 'Trio.' You inadvertently word vomited almost as much as Keith (no offense Keith.) Until you proved otherwise and came through for me I don't know why you would expect me to just think that info would be safe with you. You repeatedly lied to my face.

[heather]

And if you don't think that you were loose with info, just refer to your question from Kat about Boog and how much you screwed her by telling Zach things. If your own closest ally was put in a bad spot by your mouth idk how I'm supposed to assume it'll be otherwise for me, whether you intended or not.

[candice]

you told me you wanted them to stay in the game. you specifically before either of them said a word on the issue. you never said anything about wanting to backdoor sofia the next week or what have you.

zach told everyone repeatedly that if that week had continued then he would have BDed sofia, then heaven would have used her secret veto on sofia, then he would have put up ryan and ryan would have left. so yes the goal was to be targeting sofia.

[keith]

Candice, I feel like Nick is throwing away people in his corner for the sake of Zack's agenda. Would you agree?

Boog for the win. I'm open to voting anyone at this point though.

[candice]

can we please just stop. i get it, i played a shitty game and i was irresponsible with information and i had no selfawareness, i'm an awful person who fucked up important friendships i understand this all and i really just want to stop arguing about it

[heather]

I never told you that unless you're referring to rounds way prior. I'm not stupid and it would have been completely untrue since I did want Sofia out and even Heaven too. Also every game decision that I made was hashed out with the guys, within our alliance, so if I wanted something (like Ryan in) it was the result of a group decision that they both helped me reach in the first place. Zach and I were the next biggest targets after the 'Trio' so of course we didn't target them as a unit. It made no sense for us. We all four, and Memphis can vouch for this, constantly compromised and discussed various scenarios when in power as a group. It was sink or swim though, for Nick especially, the round that I left so I get it. They were never gonna truly have your back though Candice so don't pretend like you made a sound decision that week.

[heather]

If you want to stop arguing then fine! Stop trying to make excuses for things and trying to turn this around on me (like you did the week that I left).