Firing shots & throwing daggers at all the ppl who evicted..

[ika]

Having more fun with the blondes lol 


Part 2

[ika]

Little Billy
came home from school
to see the families
pet rooster dead
in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in
and it was flat on its back
with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said,
"Dad our roosters dead
and his legs are
sticking in the air.
Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said,
"Son, that's so God
can reach down
from the clouds
and lift the rooster straight
up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great,"
said little Billy.
A few days later,
when Dad came home from work,
Billy rushed out to meet him yelling,
"Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today
and went up to your bedroom
and there was Mom flat on her back
with her legs in the air screaming,
"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"
If it hadn't of been for
Uncle George
holding her down
we'd have lost her
for sure!"


Thanks by Sexy

[ika]

I love my legs.. Damm I look so good....




A man
escapes from prison
where he has been for
15 years.
He breaks into a house
to look for money and guns
and finds a
young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed
and ties him to a chair,
while tying the girl
to the bed he gets on top of her,
kisses her neck,
then gets up and goes
into the bathroom.
While he's in there,
the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's
an escaped convict,
look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots
of time in jail
and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex,
don't resist,
don't complain,
do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how
much he nauseates you.
This guy is
probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry,
he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey.
I love you.

SPOILER: Click to show

" To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Thanks by Sexy..

[ika]

I take too many pictures of myself...


One night a little girl
walks in on her parents having sex.
The mother is going up and down
on the father and
when she sees her daughter
looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarassed
to tell her little girl about
sex so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s
tummy gets too big so I have
to jump up and down on it
to flatten it out.
” The little girl replies,
“Well, mommy you really
shouldn’t bother with that.
” The mother has a confused
look on her face,
“Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies,
“Because mommy,
everytime you leave in the morning,
the lady next door
comes over and blows it back up.”

Thanks by Sexy...

[ika]

Donald always insisted
on making love in the dark.
After 20 years
Karen turns on the light,
finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic,
"You impotent bastard!
How could you lie to me
all these years?
" He looks her straight
in the eyes
&
calmly says,

SPOILER: Click to show

"I'll explain the toy,
you explain the kids....."

Thanks by Sexy

[ika]

We not fucking wit you



Husband and wife
are shopping in Safeway
when the man picks up a
dozen bottles of bud lite
and sticks it into the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?"
asks the wife.
"They're on special, only $10 for 12 bottles," he says.
"Put them back. We can't afford it,"
says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up
a $20 jar of face cream
and sticks it into the cart.
"What do you think you're doing?"
asks the man.
"It's my face cream.
It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies,

SPOILER: Click to show

"So does 12 bottles of bud lite... And it's half the price!"

Thanks by Sexy

[ika]

Chi town Bitches......





A boss said to his secretary
I want to have SEX with you
I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1000 on the floor,
by the time you bend down
to pick it I'll be done.
She thought for a moment then
called her boyfriend
and
told him the story.
Her boyfriend then said to her,
do it but
"Ask him for $2000,
pick up the money very fast
he wouldn't even have enough time
to undressed himself."
So she agrees.
Half an hour goes by,
the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend,
he asks, what happened?
She responds,

SPOILER: Click to show

"The Bastard used coins I'm still picking up and he is still fucking!"

Thanks by Sexy

[ika]

My house is still divided. My youngest is #teamstephcurry and my oldest is #TeamLeBron





A housewife takes a lover
during the day,
while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son
was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly,
so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250


In the next few weeks,
it happens again that the
boy and the mom's lover
are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."



A few days later,
the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks,
"How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says,
"That's terrible to over-charge
your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."

They go to church
and the father alerts
the priest and makes
the little boy sit in
the confession booth
and closes the door.

SPOILER: Click to show

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

Thanks by Sexy

[Rachelle Diamond]

Jul 16, 2015 20:38:40 GMT -5 ika said:

Little Billy
came home from school
to see the families
pet rooster dead
in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in
and it was flat on its back
with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said,
"Dad our roosters dead
and his legs are
sticking in the air.
Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said,
"Son, that's so God
can reach down
from the clouds
and lift the rooster straight
up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great,"
said little Billy.
A few days later,
when Dad came home from work,
Billy rushed out to meet him yelling,
"Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today
and went up to your bedroom
and there was Mom flat on her back
with her legs in the air screaming,
"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"
If it hadn't of been for
Uncle George
holding her down
we'd have lost her
for sure!"


Thanks by Sexy Roro

Fixed it for ya Lol copycat 

[ika]

Rachelle Diamond

[ika]

“Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”




Hey Mike Dutz just for you.......

Dan was a single guy
living at home with his
father and working
in the family business.
When he found out he was going
to inherit a fortune when his
sickly father died,
he decided he needed
a wife with which
to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting
he spotted the most
beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man,”
he said to her,
"but in just a few years,
my father will die,
and I'll inherit
20 million dollars.

SPOILER: Click to show

" Impressed, the woman obtained
his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Thanks by Sexy....

[Mike Dutz]

lol thanks. I love these ^_^ - was a treat when I saw this topic upon eviction

[ika]

Circumstances...
 “The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances.”







Jack goes to his friend Mike and says,
"I'm sleeping with the ministers wife.
 Can you hold him in church
for an hour after services for me?"
 The friend doesn't like it
but being a friend, he agrees.

After services,
he starts talking to the Reverend,
asking him all sorts of stupid questions,
just to keep him occupied.

Finally the Minister gets annoyed,
and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty,
finally confesses,
"I'm sorry Sir,
but
my friend is sleeping with your Wife right now,
he asked me to keep you occupied."


The Minister smiles,
puts a brotherly hand on
Mike's shoulder and says,

SPOILER: Click to show

"Son. You’d better hurry home to your Wife

.......

SPOILER: Click to show

Because my Wife died five years ago."

Thanks by
Sexy

[Mike Dutz]

lmao

[ika]

Sometimes I feel guilty not liking someone but then they do something to show me why I couldn't stand their ass in the first place.








A hippie
gets onto a bus and
sits next to a nun in the front seat.
The hippie looks over and asks the
nun if she would have sex with him.
The nun, surprised by the question,
politely declines and gets off
at the next stop.
When the bus starts again,
the bus driver says to the hippie,
"If you want, I can tell you how you can
get that nun to have sex with you."
The hippie of course says that
he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells
him that every Tuesday evening at midnight
the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord.
"If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,"
says the bus driver,
"You could tell her you were God
and command her to have sex with you.
" The hippie decides to try this out.
That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery
and waits for the nun.
Right on schedule, the nun shows up.
While she's in the middle of praying,
the hippie walks out from hiding,
in robes and glowing with a mask of god.
"I am God, I have heard your prayers and
I will answer them but you must have sex
with me first," he says.
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex
so she might keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets
about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes,
he rips off his mask
and shouts out,

"Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "



The nun replies

SPOILER: Click to show

by whipping off her mask and shouting,

"Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Thanks by sexy...