Brian's Banter

[Brian]

You know, the best part about this whole Blackout week is my HOH score will entirely go unknown, lol. I should've thought on that earlier.

With the nominees, I actually kind of hope one of them wins the Veto and someone else (not me) goes up. I'm not really ready for either of them to go, and I wouldn't want to lose a potential ally that could help me at least down the line for a bit. That being said...if they stay the same, then I guess I'll have to make good on a certain Week 2 promise a good bit earlier than I planned.

[Shir]

What's that week 2 promise?

[Brian]

Jul 26, 2015 17:17:44 GMT -5 Shir said:

What's that week 2 promise?

Well, to clear it up, before the Week 2 votes were revealed I made a promise to someone I know that if something happened and they went, I'd do my bit to make sure the people behind it left when the time was right. I know more had a part in it, but considering I hold 2 mostly responsible for it and Christine already left...Well, let's just say the bigger one's still yet to come. And yeah, it sucks since I like Heather and it is good she considers me a friend (which is mutual), but...I tend to feel protective of my friends, and it felt like it was more than just a "game promise".

Besides, I may have wanted to beat Nicole and outlast her, but I was hoping she'd at least make Jury. Plus hey, from a strategic standpoint, Heather getting her F2 in S8 evicted early just does come across as an eye-opener (even with the bit of Heather and Keith having played before) in terms of her being more ruthless.

Edit: Okay, that came across really rambly.

[Brian]

Holy fuck at that Veto thing. Someone's out for blood. That's like...some ninja assassin shit there.

[Brian]

So now that the dust's settled a bit and the whole Veto Ceremony thing has set in, it's looking pretty obvious on who's going to get evicted. I'm actually kind of glad it worked out the way it did since while I have to evict Heather eventually, I really didn't want it to be now. I'm guessing that the vote's going to be either 10-1 or 9-2 (with Sofia and maybe someone else evicting Heather), which should be nice and simple. I talked with Zach a bit, and was glad to know he shared the suspicions I'd had for a while (but avoided talking about since I figured I'd either A. be seen as crazy, or B. just be seen as saying what "everyone knows but nobody talks about". It also seemed we both had the same idea on Sofia joining with them (either already, or soon) since there's always at least some degree of "rah-rah girl power!" in ORGs, and with there only being 5 girls left after this, it'd be surprising if they weren't together.

There's also apparently the whole thing on people thinking HOH is Mike, and Zach thinking if not him, then Candice. I never really put much effort into it because to be honest, I just didn't care. I mean, if I had started wondering who won HOH and Veto instead of just saying "whoever won it won it" with HOH and "either Zach or the HOH" for Veto, I might well have gone into one of my "overthinking fits" for a bit, and I really would rather not. Sure EVERYONE thinks Mike and Sofia have a deal and always have (to where that suspicion could have hilariously caused them to make a deal), and sure Mike's more shady this season than last season, but I feel like everyone's at least aware of it somewhat, so why obsess? I've still got to take things bit by bit for the next while anyway and keep whatever relationships I've made strong. Even if Neda's apparently avoiding asking me in her "is there a guy's alliance?" thing.

[Brian]

I've gotta say, that Mike's doing a masterful job of having everyone think he's the HOH last round to where if he somehow wasn't that it'd be this huge shock. He was telling me about how he was talking to Heather and was all "so I bet you're gonna go after the people who evicted you if you win HOH, huh?" and how he was upset that she responded with "nah, idk" or whatever. He's like "this is just one of a few things she's done lately that rubs me the wrong way". I'm listening to this and thinking "why should you care if she goes after the people who voted for her or not unless you think she's guessing you were HOH?".

It's funny how Zach and I are both like having matching opinions on things since while I do trust him I do from time to time wonder if I'm being used again. Hell, part of my whole paranoia thing was always thinking "people can't say I was blindsided or played if I suspect everyone!". Fortunately, I figured out that's really unhealthy, but every so often I'll still get some silly notion to smack out of my head.

I feel pretty sure that I'm not going to win this HOH however. It's not a matter of pride, or not believing in myself, it's just that I expect whoever wins to have around 20 hours as their time, and I just realistically can't compete with that. I don't really think being HOH this week is necessary as of me writing this. Heather said she can go a long long time so I kind of hope she wins if Zach or even Nick don't. The way I see it, Heather'd keep me safe and probably go after Sofia, which could lead to her going if needed and another strong competitor going. Really though, I can't go trying to plan things too much until we find out who HOH is.

[Brian]

Well fuck, I mean...I figured Heaven would come back because "HeavenwinsLOL" seems to be the theme of most comps she plays. But, I figured she'd like, have some insane 19 hour time or something. Like, Mike's silly (and pretty much untrue) "3 and a half hours is a joke" bit that I won't go into detail on (since I could probably make a rant on that) aside, 4 and a half hours is pretty much "nothing" in the scope of what Heaven can do.

On the other end of things, holy shit at Heather's time. I kind of figured she would win it from going online for a long time, but that's insane. Like...nobody's ever even up that long, and my record (when I got up at 5:30 for college on a Friday, and went to sleep at 2:30-3 after being out all night with friends) for staying up left me feeling half-dead the next day. I should be semi-happy she won because at least she might go after say, Sofia to make up for Heaven coming back (well to me, it would be since there's still too many comp threats as it is), but that time is just like....what the? Maybe I can have a good talk with Heather after she's rested and better understand what's going down. Though it's probably Mike and someone, but oh well.

[Brian]

I didn't even get to see the challenge, but it sounded like hell. And...Ryan says it was "fun" after winning? Either Ryan broke my sarcasm meter or he's some kind of masochistic robot.

[Brian]

(Okay, this was a lot longer than I planned. I just wanted to get some stuff out, though hopefully I don't need to apologize for "writing too much" lol)

So Mike went off on me on the way out, and while I wouldn't be surprised if he was semi-right on people not liking me simply due to me half-expecting everything to be "shut up Brian, nobody cares" when I give my take on what I think, it doesn't bother me too much. I put off talking to Neda for a couple of hours after the vote since I wasn't sure if she'd get noticeably pissed (as opposed to 'upset but being calm'), but when I did she at least seemed alright on the surface. She mentioned saying how she feels that 5 on the pro-Matt side of the vote have a pre-game going (excluding Matt), that would probably mean Neda's referencing Zach/Nick/Memphis/Heaven/Ryan. That's just going off of Nick/Memphis/Heaven all being in Shadow a number of times, or Zach probably being in Sausage. Ryan was just in there since I don't really have a clue who he or Heather are outside of being on Season 8, that she said 5, and that I assumed she meant people voting. I'm not overly inclined to 100% believe Neda since really, I just voted against her side, screwed her out of a number, and she'll be doing what she can to get me to vote how she wants to. That being said, I didn't go and tell Zach or Heather about it. That serves no purpose and even if Neda doesn't trust me, I want her to think I trust her.

This whole situation though has just got me thinking on things. It's weird because lately when it comes to my thoughts in games I have to hold off on them on account of far from being the first person that people go to with it. I'm sure part of it is due to my tendency to either not mince words, or to use weird obscure and out there references or whatever to explain my reasoning. Hell, last round I was talking to Zach on the situation of things with the mindset of it being chess pieces and not human beings, and backed it up using a freaking Street Fighter situation as an example. I'd say "what normal person does that?" but that'd imply I'm not weird and out there, which is kinda far from true. I've sort of come to have this odd expectation that the only way people will come to me on things is if I bend over backwards for them for 5 rounds straight first just since they don't want to deal with me. It's odd to say and probably sounds ridiculous, but in the past couple of weeks I've sort of started thinking on how I should and can actually go "just for me", and with being "my own man in this game" for lack of a better phrase. I came into this thinking "maybe if I'm lucky I'll last long enough to patch things up with a couple of people", but it's not really patching things up if they're only not hating me because I'm helping them out. Hell, I wouldn't respect myself for just doing that.

I'll admit that in part, me really wanting to make the Jury stage at least has led me to not go as over the top as usual, but that really isn't viable long term. Besides, that just gives off the impression I have no faith in my own ability. And if I come across as having no faith in myself, how the hell could I ever expect a Jury to but it and vote for me if I ever get there? Yeah, sometimes I get stressed over decisions since everybody would love to be able to see how both choices play out beforehand, and I'm a bit susceptible to the whole "not wanting to mess up my standing with people" thing, but I know that's kind of silly. Besides, if they're going to hate me on a personal level over non-personal things from a game, then it's probably not in my best interest to spend a lot of time on it. With how this game is, what'll happen will happen, I should just do what I want to do at the time and trust that I can make it work. Like, when I go to do the HOH later, I'm just going to let it rock and roll with the punches. Not winning HOH is far from the end of the round, and if that's what happens, I can manage.

[Brian]

Oh fuck.

[Brian]

This HOH is one that I've pretty much been dreading coming up ever since this game started. I was hoping that there was the chance I'd be outgoing HOH when it came up, or that it'd be a POV that I didn't get picked for, but here we are. I'm more worried on this because my type of humour that I normally do isn't really one that translates well to a sort of comic strip. As I'm working on this, I'm thinking to just go with the first thing that comes to mind and hope I can manage to be good enough with it to not make it super obvious that it's mine, and to not overthink it entirely so I get a total score of 0 or something.

[Brian]

Well I did what I felt I could without really having an idea or an account, so I'm not upset with what I got on HOH. Besides, Nick winning it really isn't the worst thing in the world for me, so I'm fine with that. I wouldn't be surprised if Neda was MVP though, with her making a chat with Matt and I dissing us over our comics for the purpose of asking if we ever talked. To be honest though, I couldn't even remember which one was hers until I went and checked again so...

[Brian]

As weird as it might sound, I was actually perfectly fine with how my HOH wound up and all that stuff. Not in a "yay for not winning" way by any means, but since almost everyone else did something Mike/Sofia related and I worked with what was available to me for not having an account, I'm not bothered by it. Nick winning actually worked out even better than I thought it would've since the nominations he made were the exact same ones I would've done if I'd won. It was kind of amusing to me since he was asking pre-nominations after he won what I thought he should do, only for us to have the same idea. I was talking over what I hoped he'd do with Zach earlier and we both had had the same idea on it, which does wonders for helping me realize that hey, I'm not going insane. And when the MVP put up Heaven, things just got even better since that should pretty much guarantee one of Heaven/Sofia goes.

Lately I've been taking some time between things to sort of clear my mind and see things from more of a bigger picture and just sort of take a step back. It'll sound kind of cliche, but it feels good to just look at things and what to do from purely a "what's best for my game" perspective in this game. None of that "are they going to hate me after?" or "damn I can't stand that son of a bitch" or other outside stuff that sometimes clouds my mind. I'm just looking and thinking from it that the amount of people I could currently beat probably equals around 3, and those 3 are ones I have to keep around. I also can't just keep viewing that whole Ryan/Heaven/Sofia and Boog/Neda/Candice bits as "enemies". Ryan's surprisingly under the radar and if I could I might want to try and have a door open with a couple of "Coven" members. Just...not when all 3 of them are there.

I like how I've at least seemed to come together with Heather, Matt, and Zach, but I'm not putting my faith in them entirely. Like I mentioned, I might need Ryan at some point, but since I had a blonde moment and forgot which of Sofia/Heaven he's supposedly closest with, that'd ideally wait until both of them are gone. Hopefully that's not too far from now. With the Coven (or whatever they decide to call themselves), I want to find a way for Candice to be the first to get evicted. It's not to say I don't like her, it's just Neda could maybe buy me feeling connected to her more than Candice if I tried it with her, and Boog is the least threatening of the 3. I'm not committing to it concrete or anything right now, just thinking on options outside of Heather/Matt/Zach, and Nick.

[Brian]

As I expected, Keith went up as the replacement and now there's a tricky situation on my hands. Zach went on earlier about how he wanted Keith to stay, but said he was voting to keep Heaven since she helped him stay when he was up with Nick and Memphis, but at the Jury stage of an All-Star game, that at least sounds (whether it is or not) sort of like a cop-out to avoid doing what needs to be done. It also seems suspicious and makes me think he does sort of have something with Heaven. I may like the guy and I do want to keep working with him, but I have to look out for myself and my own game and put faith in his ability to see that it wasn't personal.

From what I know of this situation, Neda's keeping Boog, which likely means Candice is too. Zach is keeping Heaven, with the assumption being that Ryan will too. Depending on who I've asked, Sofia's either keeping Heaven, or torn between her and Boog. Heather and Matt should be keeping Keith as per some plan. I want to talk things over with Matt, but part of me just can't bear the idea of letting an idea like this slip. It's just that to me, it seems like what's happening is this house is getting divided more and more. You have Zach/Heather/Nick/possibly Keith on one side and Sofia/Neda/Candice/Boog on the other. That could leave Matt and I right in the middle of it and buy us some more time if nothing else. If I have Boog go, I'm taking a side in this battle for sure, and taking out an overall smaller threat to me in favour of keeping a much bigger threat to me down the line (that from what I recall doesn't even really talk to me), but if I have Heaven go, I take out a giant threat, get a move to my name, and my standing might rise a bit out of necessity from the others.

The thing is though, in order to do it, I'm going to have to fully force Zach's hand. If he won't change his vote to keeping Keith, I'm going to need to tell him "I'm saving Boog, so if you want Keith to stay, you have to change your vote and save him". Sort of like, telling him he has to choose between keeping Heaven and keeping Keith to decide what's best for him. The question is though, what if he saves Heaven? The main thing worrying me, and I know it' funny now after things I said before on just doing things purely for game advancement", but it's getting to me. This has a giant potential to damage or mess up some of the bridges I've worked hard to repair. Hell, it's like taking a sledgehammer to some. I have to hope that they'll understand it's just a game thing if I do it, but it's making my stomach turn a little bit thinking on how pissed Zach's going to be. This is a game though, and I have to remember that everybody's playing towards an end-game goal they think benefits them. I'm just trying to get started on doing the same.

[Brian]

I went and brought up my thoughts to Zach on the vote, and as expected he wasn't for it. He mentioned how he'd promised Heaven last night that he would save her and told Nick he'd push for Boog to go. He went on about how Heaven's intentions were widely known and that she was mad at Keith for putting her up as MVP and I mentioned how they weren't to me since she never talked to me and how it seemed I was "the last to know about Keith being MVP". Needless to say, it wasn't a reassuring feeling. Zach went on about how the only people Heaven talks to and is close with are Sofia, him, and Ryan, and my mind makes the obvious connection of her being close with Sofia who's close with the girls potentially leading to Heaven eventually going with them.

Zach didn't seem to get that and it's a whole situation now where he's just flat out saying he won't budge, and I'm in the process of not budging, and there's a whole group conversation going on as I write this (which is partly why I haven't voted yet) with Heather and Matt trying to calm everything down and appease both sides. It's just...I don't feel that I'm wrong about this because if somebody's a big threat, is someone I don't know where they stand on things, and at least appears to not even bother talking to me 90% of the time that I reach an arm out to do so, how can I feel safe at the idea of that person being in power?

I'm actually doing this partly for my alliance too because I pretty much told Zach "If I have to go behind your back and force your hand to save your ass, then I feel like maybe I should". I even mentioned to the other 3 after that more or less "I'd rather you guys be frustrated and in the game, than happy and gone" right now. It's just weird because like...I don't feel wrong about this, but if my entire alliance is practically saying "don't do it", is it worth the risk of shattering the group to not want to take a chance on some luck down the line? Ugh...