Week 9 - Diary Room

[heather]

8/3/2015

_{Me reacting to Mike's little speech...}

Wow... I know that Mike and I weren't the best of friends in here but I'm seriously racking my brain trying to come up with what I could have possibly done to make him resent me so much.


_{It's true!}

If people actually believe what Mike said about me, that I'm running the show, then they're morons.  I'm literally playing this game round by round, just trying to survive for as long as I can.  I'm not some figurehead.  Not.  At.  All.

In other news I am absolutely terrified by Sofia right now.  I'm not easily intimidated by other players but damn.  She had everyone completely convinced on both sides that she was voting with them last round, and at the end of the day, she lied to us.  I want to believe that 'Fire and Ice' is real but in the back of my mind I'm treading so carefully.  She could easily be trying to lull me into a false sense of security, in order to maximize her revenge.

Candice was bitching to Keith about how 'The Trio' are in the middle now and how much that scares her, but she and Boog are the ones who fucking put Sofia in the best position in this house.  Like cry me a freaking river, seriously.  I'm probably biased, but I would take myself over Sofia any day of the week.  I lied to them about Ryan leaving, boo-frigging-hoo; Sofia is the stuff of their nightmares and she will eat 'The Coven' alive if they're foolish enough to try and go deep with her.

[heather]

8/3/2015

SPOILER: Click to show

[heather]

8/4/2015

Well then... Sofia winning HOH this week was easily the most stress inducing outcome imaginable, so of course, it happened.  I have my 'Fire and Ice' thing with Sofia, but who knows how legitimate that is for her, especially since she did just lie to Zach and me regarding her eviction vote!  When I handed off the key to the HOH Room, Sofia did give me a big hug (with a vice-like grip,) and whispered in my ear that I'm safe this week and not to worry. While that little exchange calmed my nerves a bit, I'd still be a fool to feel safe, especially with MVP in play!


With the (true) rumor floating around about a four-person alliance between Memphis, Nick, Zach and myself, this is going to be a very difficult week to navigate.

Nick is convinced that he's going up, and while Memphis is confident that he may be able to avoid the block, I think that he could easily be Sofia's second nominee.  If Sofia keeps Zach and me in the game, then she keeps in two bigger players, but also weakens both of us at the same time by eliminating one of our allies.  

So much is going to come down to who the MVP nominates.  If it's a member of 'The Coven' then things may look bleak.  In that scenario I don't think that I'd be able to convince Keith to keep one of the guys over any of any of the girls (maybe Memphis over Boog, IDK?)  and three votes to save (Keith and the other two witches) clinches things this round, as long as Sofia would break a tie in that person's favor.  If the MVP goes for Heaven/Ryan on the other hand, then there could be hope.   In that case though, do I really want hope?   With Ryan at least, I feel like I'd choose him over practically anyone but Memphis right now.  Ultimately it'd be out of my hands of course, because if either of the two (seemingly) vulnerable 'Trio' members are still on the block come eviction night, there would be nothing that I could do to save them.  It still sucks though!  Finally, if Zach or I are put up by the MVP, then 'Gatorade' is basically fucked.

[heather]

8/4/2015

SPOILER: Click to show

_{Go ahead bitch, come at me!}

[heather]

8/5/2015

I was so freaking close to winning that Veto!  Change one answer by a hair at any of various points during the comp, and we would have gone to the TB, which I know that I aced!  I feel like such a failure right now... what an awful week.  I gave it my all, and my all wasn't enough.  At this point there is no best case scenario for this round.  The question is only whether or not worse will come to worst.  Either I lose one of my closest allies, or my own game is coming to an end.

Keith is telling me that of the three guys, Memphis is looking like a goner... so yeah, that's just wonderful, my fucking F2 is probably leaving!  So much could still happen between now and the Veto Ceremony, and I'm not even remotely convinced that I'm safe, but if I do stick around, I have a fire lit inside of me now.  My strategic gameplay has always shined the brightest when my back is against a wall.  Game on bitches.

[heather]

8/5/2015

_{Me (in the bunny ears obvi) during the Veto reveal (left) and just after.}

[heather]

8/5/2015



I legitimately cried today after the Veto Ceremony.  How much of a freaking mess am I?  Right now, I'm utterly torn on how to cast my vote.  Strategically I need Zach in this game.  Memphis and Nick are great allies, but moving forward, having a seriously strong competitor like Zach by my side is gonna be invaluable.  

Unfortunately I'm not a robot, and this isn't a decision that I can just logically weigh the pros and cons of and then easily make my choice.  I've genuinely bonded with all of these guys.  I've spent hours talking to them, both one-on-one and as a group.  We've experienced a rollercoaster of highs and lows together and no matter what anybody says about this all being just a game, that causes a sense of camaraderie to develop within an alliance.  Memphis especially has become very dear to me and I'm an emotional wreck over the prospect of potentially playing this game without him... he has hands down been my rock this time around.



Apparently the three witches are voting to save Nick, which basically means that Nick is safe no matter what unless the vote somehow ends up being a three-way tie.  Memphis and I mulled over the idea of trying to coordinate the other six votes to make that tie happen, but Zach wasn't really having any of it and I guess that I do understand Zach's reservations.  Trying to pull that off would be so risky and it could easily backfire in a number of different ways.  Zach could go home if one person decided to get sneaky with their vote, or Sofia could send Memphis packing anyway which would mean a lot of trouble and scheming for nothing.  We'd have to directly plot against Nick too, and I'm not sure if that's something that I really even feel comfortable doing.

I want to stand by Memphis and give him my support during his darkest hour.  In my heart I feel like he deserves that much from me.  Even if my vote doesn't ultimately matter though, I know that Zach will be incredibly upset with me if I vote to save Memphis instead of him.  If I make the sentimental decision this time, I could easily be shooting myself in the foot... I really hate this.

[heather]

House Assessment



On a personal level, I really like Boog; on a game level, I'm at my wits end with her.  Keith is trying to tell me that 'The Coven' aren't my enemies in this house, but when people lie to my face constantly and pretend that they're good with me, all while trashing me behind my back, I don't know what else to call them.  They're certainly not my allies at this point.  If I win HOH I'm going to confront Boog about everything that she's been saying to Sofia, and then, I'll probably throw her ass on the block.



He's still here and he probably will be for a while.  Nobody is gonna waste an HOH on Brian at this point (or Matt or Neda for that matter.)  His style of talking strategy is still infuriating, but he's getting a little bit better about being upfront these days (at least with me.)  I get the feeling that he'd pick Zach over me right now, and that's a minor cause for concern, but at this very point in the game, it's not something that I'm gonna dwell on.



_{'Hey doll!'
'Thanks for my key doll!'
'Congrats doll!'
'How are you today doll?'}



OMG Candice, can you fucking not?  Zach put it best when he called Neda a 'Dollar Tree Sofia' and Candice isn't much better.  If those girls can't see how pathetic they look trying to endear themselves to Sof then I give up.  Good.  Freaking.  Riddance!



Heaven is my girl!  I have so much fun talking with her and it's so refreshing because her kindness seems genuine.  She might be a major threat, but at this point I don't really care.  Heaven is someone that I trust in this house, and I'm not going to go after her if I win HOH, no matter how much that pisses Keith or anybody else off.



Keith is really infuriating me lately.  He clearly doesn't trust me fully right now, and maybe he shouldn't since I certainly don't tell him everything, but it's for his own damn good since Keith gets paranoid and then vomits information all over town!  He has this really annoying habit lately of confronting me in absolute terms about things that he's unsure that I've actually done, just to see how I react, and to see if he can catch me being shady.  He keeps pushing me to go after 'The Trio' but if he wants them out then he can win HOH and do it himself.  I'm not playing this game to take out Keith's targets and leave in mine.  Fuck that.



Now that Mike is gone, Matt is looking to other people to be his security blankets, in particular Zach and me!  He's definitely laying the (shaky) foundation for a three-person alliance with us.  I'm gonna run with it because why wouldn't I want a wildcard in my corner as we barrel towards endgame?  Matt and I haven't had the best working relationship in the past, both in our original season and here, but in this game, I'm always considering my options so why not?



The fact that Memphis is leaving breaks my heart and the fact that I'm not voting to save him kills me even more.  I feel like an awful friend to Memphis right now.  The smart decision isn't always the feel good decision unfortunately.  I really wanted our vote split plan to work (I was the one who pitched it to Memphis in the first place,) but Zach had to be on board and he was adamantly against it.  I can't alienate the allies that I'm gonna have left.  Memphis is such an amazing person too.  He told me to vote to keep Zach and that he'd be mad if I didn't because he didn't want me to tank my game for him.  I stayed up with him brainstorming for hours last night and we just couldn't come up with anything solid... if he's not a member of the jury I swear I will riot on you bitches!  I can't stomach the thought of some of those bitter jerks being rude and smug to him.



Slinging shade Neda's way is one of my favorite pastimes in the Big Brother Rise & Fall House  She's hilarious and fun, but sometimes she takes her trolling just a little bit too far and I have to remind her what's really up.


Nick and I were talking about how his relationship with 'The Coven' is like that of a bad boyfriend with his delusional exes and it's seriously spot on.  For some reason those girls keep running back to him, even though he continues to blow them off and burn them in votes.  He's literally done nothing that should make them believe that he's gonna be with them.  I don't get it.  Candice has some weird attachment to him I think.  She's like the Natalie Cunial to his Matt McDonald and it's pathetic.



Ryan is BAE.  With Memphis going home, he's seriously the person who I trust the most in this house to have my back.  Not Zach.  Not Keith.  Ryza.  Maybe that's foolish of me with Heaven here but in two seasons worth of playing with him, the guy hasn't lied to me once.  He's such a straight shooter and a good guy.  I'm still obsessed!



She had the perfect opportunity to go for the jugular this week and end my game and (somewhat surprisingly) she didn't.  To me that's a huge sign of good faith and I'm not gonna forget it. Even though I'm well aware that she's got a lot going on right now and is in a fantastic position, as far as I'm concerned, 'Fire and Ice' is still a go; her HOH reign proved it.



Once again Zach and I are seemingly in the front seat on the rollercoaster ride that is this season.  We're taking a big blow to our alliance losing Memphis, and I'm still very apprehensive about his relationship with Nick, but we're in this thing together (Nick too) and we all have one another's backs for the long haul.