like bees to the honey! /// candice confesses

[candice]

i was shirtless jeez, i had just woken up!!!

ps i'm pretty sure shilpa and drew are working together which doesn't shock me but it's good to know. she was SUPER SKETCHY when i floated the idea that maybe drew would be backdoored

[Shir]

Ptrixg?

[candice]

so this vote will probably be 4-3 and i'm TERRIFIED

mike, matt, shilpa evicting me
nick, neda, boog, sofia evicting drew

relying on sofia who i BARELY talk to is the part that's scaring me

honestly fuck shilpa. i was totally upfront with her about evicting casey and why i was doing it but she's been lying her ass off to me ever since when i was still completely honest about trusting her and working with her. at least now i have a valid reason to come after her

[candice]

candice stewart
> idk what are you hearing so far?
Shilpa Shetty
> drew leaving 6-1
candice stewart
> okay cool

fucking shady queen JUST BE FUCKING HONEST WITH ME OMG

[candice]

Boog Roe
> matt is evicting u
Boog Roe
> he wants to keep drew

Shilpa Shetty
> all i've heard from matt is that he's evicting drew

[candice]

i find it fucking hilarious that shilpa and matt caved and voted with the house. do these people seriously think we don't talk to each other lmao

[candice]

LOOKS LIKE YA GIRL CANDICE GOING UP AGAIN

but i'll be up against ash, so even if we lose botb i'm not going anywhere lmao

[candice]

shilpa and i just majorly hashed things out, long convo under the spoiler tagz

SPOILER: Click to show

Shilpa Shetty (4:20:31 PM): i want you to feel
Shilpa Shetty (4:20:34 PM): like you can be honest with me
Shilpa Shetty (4:20:44 PM): if the answer is yes
Shilpa Shetty (4:20:49 PM): i will not be upset
Shilpa Shetty (4:20:55 PM): i know options were limited and itw as a tough week
Shilpa Shetty (4:21:02 PM): but week 2, did you try to throw me utb to drew as replacement nom?
candice stewart (4:21:27 PM): i briefly mentioned your name bc drew hinted it was between you and me
candice stewart (4:21:36 PM): i assumed you would have done the same tbh
Shilpa Shetty (4:21:41 PM): 1 sec
Shilpa Shetty (4:23:51 PM): sorry
Shilpa Shetty (4:23:58 PM): i had to talk to my grandma on the phone
Shilpa Shetty (4:24:01 PM): my dad put me on the spot lol
candice stewart (4:24:02 PM): it's all good
Shilpa Shetty (4:24:27 PM): okay so
Shilpa Shetty (4:24:38 PM): i only did that after i heard
Shilpa Shetty (4:24:42 PM): that you were throwing me utb
candice stewart (4:24:59 PM): drew said he was considering putting me up and i was mostly giving him reasons not to nom me, i only mentioned your name very briefly
Shilpa Shetty (4:25:12 PM): but it was actually only after you had already told you you were going up yourself
Shilpa Shetty (4:25:20 PM): but then when i asked drew if you threw me utb to him
Shilpa Shetty (4:25:21 PM): he said no
candice stewart (4:25:24 PM): like drew even thanked me for focusing on reasons not to put me up
candice stewart (4:25:35 PM): hmmm
candice stewart (4:25:48 PM): so that makes it sound to me like someone's tryna keep shit rocky between us lol
Shilpa Shetty (4:25:51 PM): lol
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:00 PM): yeah
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:13 PM): i wanted to bring it up before now but i didn't want you to feel in a compromised position, with being on the block
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:16 PM): so i just wanted to wait it out
candice stewart (4:26:22 PM): okay well
candice stewart (4:26:32 PM): i want you to feel like you can be honest with me too
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:34 PM): okay
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:41 PM): the person that told me
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:45 PM): is not someone i am after
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:48 PM): so in telling you
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:51 PM): i don't want you to turn on them
Shilpa Shetty (4:26:53 PM): or think that i'm after them
candice stewart (4:27:03 PM): i won't altho idk who said it to you
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:06 PM): nick
candice stewart (4:27:11 PM): gotcha
candice stewart (4:27:16 PM): did you push for me to get evicted last round over drew
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:17 PM): i don't know if he did it because he was scared
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:20 PM): because he was on the block
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:24 PM): yes
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:32 PM): week 2, you threw me utb, drew kept me safe
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:34 PM): that was what i knew
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:41 PM): that was what i had to go off of
candice stewart (4:27:42 PM): alright
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:44 PM): in a lot of situations
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:47 PM): i would not be after you to be evicted
Shilpa Shetty (4:27:52 PM): but against drew, i felt i owed him
Shilpa Shetty (4:28:02 PM): but i have felt distance between us
Shilpa Shetty (4:28:04 PM): since the tom vote
candice stewart (4:28:09 PM): i was only upset bc you weren't upfront with me about it at all
Shilpa Shetty (4:28:21 PM): i'm assumign people told you
Shilpa Shetty (4:28:24 PM): i was pushing for you to be evicted
candice stewart (4:28:30 PM): yeah but you didn't
Shilpa Shetty (4:28:35 PM): well right
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:00 PM): i don't blame you for the tom vote, objectively
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:06 PM): subjectively it's hard for me to see it because i just don't like samm
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:10 PM): but i understand that other people do
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:15 PM): but mostly i felt really isolated that week
candice stewart (4:29:22 PM): i get that
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:32 PM): because i was not in on what you, nick, and zach were in on
Shilpa Shetty (4:29:34 PM): that whole week
candice stewart (4:29:58 PM): i was pretty torn on that vote but by the time i was at all considering changing my vote it was pretty set as 4-2 and i would've just tied it for the same end result
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:10 PM): right
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:12 PM): the only problem is
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:12 PM): now
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:16 PM): 3 people have given me that answer lol
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:21 PM): "well my vote would have just tied it!"
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:22 PM): haha
candice stewart (4:30:42 PM): yeah it's the lame political answer to give
candice stewart (4:30:44 PM): lmao
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:46 PM): lmao
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:57 PM): anyway
Shilpa Shetty (4:30:59 PM): that was week 1
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:02 PM): and the game has changed a lot
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:14 PM): and also nothing i say in this convo is me trying to turn you against zach or nick
candice stewart (4:31:19 PM): i know
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:26 PM): it would be sooo shortsighted to try and be after them rn
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:30 PM): i just don't want you and i
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:31 PM): to be
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:33 PM): in this awkward place
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:34 PM): we've been in
candice stewart (4:31:51 PM): me either
Shilpa Shetty (4:31:52 PM): cuz going forward it makes no sense
Shilpa Shetty (4:32:13 PM): and even last week i definitely was not after you, it was just given you and drew, i had to make a choice
candice stewart (4:32:28 PM): which makes sense
candice stewart (4:32:44 PM): but the whole doing it behind my back and not telling me thing sure made it look like you were after me, lmao
Shilpa Shetty (4:32:53 PM): lmao
Shilpa Shetty (4:32:55 PM): that's totally fair
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:01 PM): it was kinda a pipe dream that maybe you'd never hear about it
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:15 PM): butttttt if you stayed i had every intention of going to you
candice stewart (4:33:17 PM): i heard about it from literally everyone
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:18 PM): and trying to hash everything out
candice stewart (4:33:34 PM): okay not literally
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:38 PM): which may look like
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:40 PM): poor damage control
Shilpa Shetty (4:33:43 PM): but it's not like that
candice stewart (4:33:56 PM): yeah
Shilpa Shetty (4:34:06 PM): it's the fact that we're friends , and if we're actively targeting each other
candice stewart (4:34:06 PM): the reason why it was so frustrating for me
Shilpa Shetty (4:34:11 PM): neither of us are winnin
candice stewart (4:34:17 PM): is bc i was 100% upfront about voting tom
candice stewart (4:34:48 PM): yeah i agree lol
Shilpa Shetty (4:35:22 PM): while that is completely fair
Shilpa Shetty (4:35:37 PM): mmmm
Shilpa Shetty (4:35:39 PM): no no while
Shilpa Shetty (4:35:40 PM): that is fair
Shilpa Shetty (4:35:44 PM): you deserve better than that
Shilpa Shetty (4:36:01 PM): i just felt loyalty to drew that i didn't feel to you
candice stewart (4:36:49 PM): yeah
Shilpa Shetty (4:37:08 PM): when you told me
Shilpa Shetty (4:37:11 PM): people were spreading shit
Shilpa Shetty (4:37:13 PM): that we hated each other
Shilpa Shetty (4:37:23 PM): it was weird because i was like, "well, do we?" LOL
Shilpa Shetty (4:37:27 PM): (in a game sense ofc)
candice stewart (4:37:32 PM): yeah
candice stewart (4:37:51 PM): i told you that 100% to see how you reacted
candice stewart (4:38:01 PM): and figure out how true it seemed from your perspective
candice stewart (4:38:20 PM): and your reaction made it very obv to me that you weren't sure where we stood so i was ~wary~
Shilpa Shetty (4:38:24 PM): yeah
Shilpa Shetty (4:38:33 PM): and you read me right, haha
Shilpa Shetty (4:38:33 PM): because
Shilpa Shetty (4:38:36 PM): i wasn't sure where we stood
candice stewart (4:39:19 PM): and when i brought up the idea of drew being backdoored to you, your reaction to that told me i couldn't count on your vote, so when ppl told me you were trying to flip the vote i wasn't exactly surprised
Shilpa Shetty (4:39:41 PM): yeah
Shilpa Shetty (4:39:45 PM): last week wasn't exactly ideal lol
Shilpa Shetty (4:39:54 PM): after veto it was you, me, boog, nick, or drew leaving
Shilpa Shetty (4:39:57 PM): and i was like
Shilpa Shetty (4:40:01 PM): "well none of this is great"
candice stewart (4:40:04 PM): yeah i wanted none of that either
Shilpa Shetty (4:40:43 PM): i understand
Shilpa Shetty (4:40:44 PM): last week
Shilpa Shetty (4:40:47 PM): may take some time
Shilpa Shetty (4:41:23 PM): especially since in some ways i did ya dirty
candice stewart (4:41:41 PM): i mean i feel like at this point we're kinda even
Shilpa Shetty (4:41:58 PM): is there anything else you're upset about?
candice stewart (4:42:39 PM): i have a knot in my back and it's really annoying me right now
candice stewart (4:42:42 PM): otherwise not really
Shilpa Shetty (4:42:43 PM): lmao
candice stewart (4:42:49 PM): WAIT YES I DO
Shilpa Shetty (4:42:52 PM): o
candice stewart (4:43:09 PM): week 1 you dissed my social game to shadow bc i was sending youtube videos *flips hair* i resent that
Shilpa Shetty (4:43:14 PM): L
Shilpa Shetty (4:43:14 PM): M
Shilpa Shetty (4:43:15 PM): A
Shilpa Shetty (4:43:15 PM): O

long story short, i owned up to (gently) tossing her under the bus, she owned up to trying to get me evicted last week, everything is temporarily much better than it was. i want to trust shilpa completely but i feel like i'd be pretty stupid to rush into things here. i'm a little frustrated with nick - i was beginning to trust him a LOT A LOT and so hearing that he's been actively working to keep myself and shilpa mad at one another is pretty disheartening. i am going to let shilpa know that, long term, my sights are set on zach. i'll keep it to myself that i want to topple heather early, though, because i'm still pretty wary of shilpa and heather as a unit. buuuut i'd like to think shilpa and i will legitimately work together now.

[candice]

Boog Roe (7:38:20 PM): LOL I DID A ZOOBE CONFESSIONAL
Boog Roe (7:38:27 PM): I LOVE ME

i would kill to be in HC right now

[candice]

did hayneda die or throw it

[candice]

nvm neda's just a precious snowflake too pure for this world

[candice]

omg i thought i changed my vote to shilpa but the post never went through. LMAO

[candice]

i'll make a better confessional soon i promise, there has just been............ so much..........................

[candice]

oh my god i'm so sorry for the silence, when i get behind it's hard for me to ever get caught up so i'm just gonna do it all right now.

SO ash and i won battle of the block last round. tbh i kinda wanted to throw it but i could tell right away that it wasn't the sort of thing that could be thrown, so w/e ash won it for us hooray safe for the week!!!! then veto happened and predictably ryan won it, taking off neda. the big shocker for me, though, was shilpa getting the backdoor. now, obviously shilpa and i have not had the most positive relationship in this game but i genuinely felt like we put it all behind us and we could move on, so of course i wanted her to stay over someone i had no real relationship with. i called shilpa on the phone and talked it out for a solid 20-30 minutes but i had to go out for my birthday (and i was already kinda drunk when i called her as it is lol). all in all, i'm glad i was so busy, because i could have sunk my game by pushing too hard to keep shilpa. the next day it was made very clear to me that nick and neda would be evicting shilpa no matter what. the best boog and i could do was tie it and betray important allies which, sorry, no thanks, i'm not fucking my game up for someone who aggressively tried to get me evicted the previous round. i thought i changed my vote from hayley to shilpa but, lol, welp, i forgot my bad

now we have this round. we all assumed pairs were coming, no big shocker. i hoped i'd be with ryan or heaven, with whom i not only would be safe against in an eviction vote, but i would have a good chance of winning any competitions coming our way. but no. i get neda. #caneda day. i love neda to death, she is so precious, but she is not exactly an asset in comps, and while i'm not bad, i need a little help from my partner lol. she changed an answer in our HoH submission that would have kept #zeaven from winning, and when veto came around, we didn't exactly kill it. thankfully #zeaven had bigger fish to fry in ash and christine. i am so annoyed with zach lol. his targets have been completely in line with the heaven/ryan/sofia power trio and it pisses me off that he's essentially using them as his shield. is he that confident that they'll fall before they become a serious issue? is he that concerned about what his position would be without them? it makes it difficult to feel like i can work with him. on top of that, he pretty much told neda he was concerned about my vote and wanted to make sure i was still voting ash/christine. fine. whatever. i know my social game has been slipping like fuck the more i've gotten exhausted by this game, but shit, that's so annoying. at least i know i have strong loyal allies in neda, nick, and boog, potentially heather and keith as well. rachelle is a strong option. my only concern with memphis is that i feel like he's going to prioritize zach over any other allies and idk how to deal with that because i want to work with him so badddd.

i really wanted to save christine, and i told her i would, but the numbers just plain aren't there and it's SO ANNOYING!!!!! WHY MUST EVERYTHING BE SO ANNOYING AND STRESSFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the second week in a row where i'm not really getting my way and i'm not happy about it at all. it's not really my own fault, it's because the people in power are so dominant that everyone wants to bend over backwards to appease them, and trying to buck the status quo too hard would just put a target squarely on my back. i don't want to fail just because other people are too good at succeeding and everyone just fucking rolls over and lets them keep trucking to the end. but it's only f18, there is still a lot more game to be played here. i just need to be patient gdi. i can win something soon i ~feel~ it

[candice]

oh also i keep having skype calls with neda and any given combo of boog, nick, now heather. it's really doing a lot for bonding and building trust i think <3 i feel like without shilpa around, heather becomes a much better option than she was before lol